the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
organizing the empties. That sober.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Less talking, more tequila
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
