wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
