I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
