Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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