ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize