she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
