Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
