Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
