she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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