Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
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my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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