What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
