I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
