we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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