I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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