why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
