your thong is hanging out like whoa
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
