Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
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Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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