True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
areolas are like halos for boobs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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