Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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