Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
