My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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