A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
