Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
