I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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