R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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