I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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