I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
