Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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