these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
