I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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