I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
