so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize