Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
