you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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