At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
