Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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