Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
