matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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