Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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