Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
