There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
