i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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