Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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