So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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