I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
