Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
