the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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