TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
