I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she smelled like a LAN party
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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