2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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