Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
