i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
