I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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