i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
