I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
