Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
