we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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