I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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