I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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